Monday, September 19, 2011

Going Below the Surface

Shh....I am sleeping. I am unavailable, unaware, and even unwilling to wake up. Shh...please do not disturb me from what I perceive to be an unconscious bliss. I prefer to be removed from that which I may be responsible for creating in my life. I prefer sleep to wakefulness, unconscious to conscious, blame to responsibility (ability to respond). In that way, I can stay in denial and keep my life limited by familiar patterns. Shh...let me be, leave me alone. I know this place and I don't want it to change. In other words, Please do not disturb. 

For those of you who know me, you may be surprised to hear that I had a session today in which I was completely speechless. I was sadly reminded of how some people want help, but are unwilling to change. They simply want their life to move in a way that brings greater light without ever eliminating the darkness. Typically, I am patient and understanding and want only to facilitate a deeper understanding of the real, underlying issues within a situation. But today it was different. I simply honored the individual's perception and gave her an appropriate referral. In the 20 years of practice, I am not sure that has ever happened. Hmm...I guess I met my match. I have accepted the fact that my work over the years has changed. I can no longer listen intently when a person chooses to stay in denial of their actions and reactions.

The truth is that although we may not always want to accept responsibility for our emotions, our past histories, our actions and reactions, we must learn to do so in order to grow emotionally and spiritually. It is not in our integrity to continue to blame people, places and experiences for causing us to react in certain ways. We choose how we will react.  We are responsible for our feelings. We are responsible for our health and well-being. We are responsible for our financial gains or losses. I know that in the beginning it is hard to accept this reality. As humans, we are afraid to accept responsibility. It is as if we subconsciously return to the days of childhood when our survival depended on blaming a sibling or denying that we did anything wrong.  When a parent questioned, "Who broke the glass?" the response was typically "Not me" or "I don't know." Blame and/or denial become the key coping skills so as to avoid the pain of feeling ashamed or "bad" about oneself. Why do we have to feel "bad"at all?
If only we could quickly recognize that no matter what, we are good people and worthy of love and acceptance.In other words, you are not a "bad" are simply a person learning more about yourself and your living. No need to run or hide, just simply to acknowledge that you are human, capable of many things and responsible for your actions and reactions. "Yes, I did that." And now, you can go below the surface to understand more about why you do (or did) what you do and how you can do it differently. There is tremendous wisdom and healing below the surface, if only you have the courage to drop your defenses. After all you are a good person, worthy of love and acceptance.           

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