Do you give up or give in?

Do you give up?

To give up is to Surrender. It is the feeling that you will not win regardless of what you try and so you choose not to try. You throw out the white flag and surrender to the loss. You could try, but trying would require effort toward what feels hopeless. When you give up, you are attempting to avoid the familiar feeling of failure.  People who give up already feel like a failure and therefore want to avoid adding additional demerits to their low self-worth. 

Do you give in?

To give in is to experience Defeat. When you give in, you surrender your power to someone else. You subconsciously allow another person to lead, and to decide for you. You defer to them. This is a pattern that tends to occur for the person that lacks self-worth. When you lack self -worth,  you are at risk for allowing others to lead you, as your worth is determined by someone else.  You only feel worth something if someone makes you feel that you are worth something.

A person may also give in for fear of conflict. In an attempt to avoid conflict (AKA angry reaction), you acquiesce to the desires of someone else. It is only after some time of doing so, that you then convince yourself that the other person is controlling or manipulating you, and react by pushing them away. In truth, you subconsciously asked to be led and then eventually resented it, as it is disabling to the self-esteem. It keeps you stuck in failure mode.

Whether your tendency is to give up or give in, you choose to fail. You fail to develop your sense of self, your confidence and your knowledge.  Learn to TRY, regardless of the outcome. You will learn how to do things for the next time. You will learn from your mistakes. In the end, you will feel like a success and not a failure, as you developed knowledge and skills that you take forward. Speak up and allow others to know your feelings and needs. Perseverance and Assertiveness brings SUCCESS!

Mid Life Crisis

What is a mid-life crisis?

A Mid-life crisis is when a person reaches what they perceive as the middle of their life and take an inventory of both their successes and failures. They become frightened when thinking about how quickly time passes and perhaps struggle with the uncertainty of the future. Stress or life changes (empty nest) can trigger the desire to have somethng more or something different in one's life. The person is vulnerable during this time. There is an urgency to make changes, and therefore, their behavior becomes impulsive without a reasonable explanation. They seek to find what they feel is missing. Major purchases, unexpected moves, extramarital affairs are commonly associated with a mid life crisis. When a mid life crisis occurs in an otherwise stable home, it can be devastating to the other family members. The family feels shocked and wonders what happened to the person that they knew and loved and who loved and adored them. It is hard to understand how anyone would want to purposely turn their life upside down to find what they think they are missing.

A mid life crisis can be avoided if you do the emotional work necessary for life fulfillment. A person whose life is fulfilling is not likely to have a mid life crisis. They are content with where they live, who they live with and how they spend a day. They feel gratitude for their health, their home and their family. All is well for the fulfilled person. They do not long for something more, nor do they need to hunt for fulfillment in something new. They are content and proud of all that they have accomplished thus far in their lives.  They see the future as a wondrous adventure filled with more time with loved ones, as well as time to accomplish their continued goals (bucket list).  

Plan B

Success in life has very little to do with how you expect Plan A to go, but how well you handle Plan B. The plans for today seemed pretty set, and the day began well. When family lost power, they called to ask if they could come over and cook their dinner. We had just eaten and there was plenty of leftovers to share.  And so they did, and I enjoyed their company. I sat back and noticed how well it all seemed to happen. Life is much like that. Things change. Plans change. People change.

The lesson: Even when the unexpected happens, all can continue to be well. It is simply different than what was expected.

It is OK to Modify

There are times and experiences in our life that call us to modify in some way. Consider, for example, when you are interested in trying a new yoga posture. It may feel uncomfortable, if not impossible, to perform the first time without making some kind of modification. And so, you choose to grab a yoga block for addtional support, modify the position, and still achieve success! And so in life, there are times when modifications are necessary in order to achieve success. I, too, have needed to make some modifications recently in my life to insure that I meet my needs for living fully and my needs for writing. This year, I am dedicating some necessary time to working on my third book. (Can you hear the angels applauding?) and therefore will balance my writing time between book writing and blog writing.  I confess that I was not giving myself the necessary time to read, sleep or meditate on a regular basis as there was too much to do in a day. Therefore, it is time to modify. Make the time for what really matters.

Is there something that you must modify in your life, in order to take better care of yourself?

Feeling Successful

Most people yearn to feel accomplished. It is the idea that you have accomplished something that you set out to do. In other words, you have achieved success. And even more importantly, you are successful. We yearn to feel successful. Too often, people feel quite the opposite.  They feel that they have failed. They then internalize the thoughts and feelings and eventually identify themselves as a failure.  That is, I am a failure. Consequently, they become quickly frustrated in their attempts or worse yet, they quit before they try. They then set their sights either on something large or something later.  When I get my college degree, I will be successful. When I marry and have children, I will be successful. When I write a book, I will be successful. When I earn more money, I will be successful. Sadly though, it also means that success must wait until later. Why wait? Begin today to cultivate success in your life.  Find something that you can easily accomplish today. Put away the baskets of laundry. Clean out the kitchen drawer. Organize your desk.  Choose a task that you know that you can accomplish in a reasonable amount of time. In that way, you will avoid the common feeling of defeat that underlies failure. Make the task enjoyable by playing music or enjoying a cup of tea.  And then tomorrow, find something else to accomplish. With a string of daily accomplishments, you will begin to feel success rising from the depth of your being. There lies the feeling of victory, success and pride in oneself. You are successful.  

Last night I was in bed, when I realized that I had not written my daily blog.  Several nights prior, I had gone to bed very late and therefore, I felt tired. In addition, my body was tired from closing the pool the day before and doing various other projects around my house. I thought about jumping out of bed and getting my computer to write, and then I told myself that it was okay. It had been a day of accomplishment. There were things that had been on my list for months, if not a year, and I chose to accomplish them today. I went to sleep knowing that I had accomplished a great deal in my day.  I went to sleep peacefully and awoke this morning ready to write.  And so, I challenge you to step into your success…

What can you accomplish today?