Your level of emotional reaction is directly related to
your level of perceived responsibility.
The more responsible you feel for the welfare of others, the greater the tendency to emotionally react. When a loved one struggles, you feel responsible. It is as if you have unconsciously made yourself the CEO of everyone's life. And therefore, when they struggle you react strongly, as if it is life or death. When others are upset or cannot find something that they need, you mistakenly believe that it is your fault. They are not likely saying that it is your fault, but you automatically assume it is. Consequently, you react from a place of shame and inadequacy that causes you to feel frustrated or defensive. They do not understand why you are reacting so strongly.
Take a breath.
Know that you are only responsible for what happens to you. Allow others to be responsible for what happens to them. In this way, you can observe rather than react, and be understanding as opposed to feeling blamed. You will teach self-responsiblity, and free yourself from emotional reaction.