Are you 'busy?"

Are you "busy" or are you productive?

Busy insures that you always have somethng to do.
It enables you to avoid boredom.
It conveys to others that you are important.
Busy costs you time and money.

Productivity focuses on what you have done.
It allows you to feel accomplished and successful.
It conveys to others that you are capable.
Productivity makes you time and money.

 

Learn to be Productive, Rather than Busy.

Changing Things Up!

The Universe is changing things Up! When we hear this phrase we often think of having our lives rattled unexpectedly.  2012 has been the year of change. Many people have had their lives unexpectedly turned upside down. What was once is no more. As we move toward the end of the year and Decamber 21, in particular, the Universe begins to right the wrongs. What was turned upside down will begin to turn up right in a new and improved way. For the Universe to change things UP is to bring positive changes.

 

Think of my trees stripped of their beauty, pruned and cut bare yet fruit a thousand times better for the pruning arise. You are in the hands of a Master-Gardener. He makes no mistakes about His pruning. Rejoice."    --Two Listeners

How do you view the good in your life?

Do you experience the good in your life as Luck or Blessings?

Do you see the good in your life as random, as if you played the lottery and won by chance?
Do you say, "I am lucky?"

Or do you attribute the good in your life as a gift from God/Universe for living a life of faith and honesty? Do you say, "I am blessed?"

Take the time to acknowledge the Blessings in your Life, especially your health, your family and your home.

Healing Shame

Shame is a pervasive feeling that affects a person’s living. Without addressing shame, one continues to live his/her life in severe emotional pain that attracts suffering through unhappiness, job dissatisfaction or life dissatisfaction. Shame can be identified by the following beliefs, feelings or behaviors:

Beliefs

I am bad.                                                             There is something wrong with me

It is all my fault.                                                 I am not good enough.

I disappoint others.                                         I can’t do anything right.

I am a loser.

Feelings

Fear                                                        Shame                                          Humiliation          

Fear of what others think                   Embarrassment                          Exposure

Fear of disappointing others              Unworthiness

Fear of failure                                        Inadequacy

 

Behaviors

Keeps secrets                                     Quiet/shares little                                     Speaks in a low voice

Hides behind long hair/hats           Cannot admit to making a mistake       Avoids exposure       
              
Wears more clothing than is          Runs away to avoid confrontation (being exposed)    Hiding
 needed to hide the body  

 

The only way to successfully heal shame is through safe exposure, such as group therapy. Shame is healed by sharing one’s secrets and shameful thoughts and feelings. To heal shame is to free one’s soul from the ongoing feelings of persecution and unworthiness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Live your life with ease

Did you know that things can be easy? You make things harder than they have to be. In fact, you avoid doing things because you believe that it will be too hard. Therefore, you do not declutter the closet, make the pie crust, knit the sweater or host the holiday gathering...all because you assume it will be too difficult. In truth, once you actually commit to doing that which you have been avoiding, you may be pleasantly surprised to find that the task was easier than you had imagined.

I live my life with ease.  

 

 

 

 

Heart vs. Ego

The Heart vs. The Ego. The two do battle, each one desiring dominance over your life. The Ego speaks to you of a longing for something more...more love, more passion, more joy. It comes from an emptiness within and a strong desire to be fulfilled. It leads you to believe that you are a failure, you do not know what you are doing, or you are to blame. It provides you with the illlusion of what can be, while sabotaging you in your life. The Ego is responsible for vioations of integrity including thievery, and extramarital affairs. The Ego tells you that what you are doing is right, even if when it is wrong.

The heart speaks to you of the desire to love and be loved. It is afraid of being hurt and of hurting those that you love. It does not want to be broken. It wants and fears genuine closeness, the ability for others to know you and still love you.  The heart does not always communicate in words. Sometimes it communicates in actions. The heart yearns not for fulfillment, but for a love that never ends.

The Heart vs. Ego, Love vs. Illusion 

Today Only!

What about Today?

What about today? Today is just beginning.  Are you feeling present to this day, or do you give up today to plan for tomorrow?  Do you tend to miss out on the beauty of today to think about what is needed for tomorrow or next week?  Where is the living for today? Perhaps you lived today, yesterday?  

As the dark of the night, transforms into the light of the day, learn to eagerly embrace the day with wonder. Like a small child excited on the morning of his birthday, embrace today with excitement, trusting that something wonderful is about to happen. Give today the attention it deserves. In doing so, you will find joy! 

Today is all there is. What will today bring? I am so excited!!

 

 

Are you afraid of making a mistake?

Mistakes happen right? Well if you are the kind of person that can shutter at the thought of making a mistake, then you are afraid of making a mistake. The fear of making a mistake is actually a bigger issue than fear. It is the pervasisve, yet concealed, feeling of shame. Shame produces such beliefs as "I am bad" or "There is something wrong with me."  In this way, a mistake is not just a mistake. It is a horrible and painful experience which needs to be avoided at all cost. In other words it is not, "Oops, I made a mistake," it is the internalized belief that "I am a mistake."

Where does the fear of making a mistake originate?

You may have had experiences in your life such as in your childhood, in which you were scolded or shamed for making a mistake. A parent, sibling or teacher may have said things like, "How could you do that? "You are so stupid," or "What were you thinking?" "Shame on you." Shame is also the result of being called names or from being blamed by others. "I didn't do it, she did." "It is all her fault." 

The fear of making a mistake can also be a birth issue. For example, if you were an unplanned pregnancy or born of young or unwed parents, you may have been born with shame. You may have internalized the belief that "I am a mistake." If your parents hoped for the opposite gender, you may have believed that "I am a disappointment." These two beliefs have long term detrimental effects. For example, the person who believes that they are a mistake can have difficulty admitting to making a mistake, or apologizing. In doing so, it feels as if they are admitting to being a mistake.  The person who believes that they are a disappointment to their parents, will continue to feel that they disappoint others. In other words, if you feel like a mistake, you are likely to make mistakes. If you feel like a disappointment , you are likely to disappoint others.

The fear of making a mistake can also be a karmic issue. For example if you experienced a past life in which you were blamed or persecuted for a crime you did or did not commit, you may carry forth into this lifetime the feeling of shame. "Shame on you for doing that." "It was your fault that people died."  

Regardless of how your fear of making a mistake originated, it is important to know that it can be healed. You deserve a life of peace and joy that comes from healing shame.  Most importantly do not run away from your fears of making a mistake, learn instead to say, "Oops, I made a mistake." In this way, you can begin to move forward with a love for yourself.

The Busy Beaver

There was once a beaver that had nothing to do. He watched others around him working hard, and yet lacked the knowledge and self-assurance to take initiative. He sat day after day wondering what he should do. He felt that others expected him to contribute, but his self-doubt made him sit that much longer. Other beavers were busily working at constructing their homes and had to continually ask The Busy Beaver to move out of the way. The Busy Beaver began to feel like a burden to the other beavers, rather than a help. As a result, he decided to at least look busy. In this way others would think that he was doing something, even though he continued to lack the knowledge of what to do and how to do it. And so, the Busy Beaver indeed became the busy beaver. He rushed around for hours in a day doing anything and everything to appear busy. He picked up sticks and moved them from one pile to the next; when they were moved he would begin to move them back again to the original pile. Day after day, he engaged in this same busy behavior hoping to figure out what to do next. He resigned from the day feeling just as exhausted as the others. Yet, he felt unfulfilled. He learned to do without making a contribution. He learned how to fill up his time, without feeling accomplished, or knowledgeable. He learned how to be busy without being productive. Months turned into years, and little had changed to bring fulfillment. On occasion, The Busy Beaver would find something different to do, but eventually grew tired of that, too.

What could The Busy Beaver do differently that would truly make a difference?

The Busy Beaver would benefit from first letting go of the illusions that prevent him from actually feeling self-assured. In this story, the Busy Beaver could (not should as that is a perceived expectation of others) directly ask another Beaver to demonstrate what to do, so as to learn the skills necessary to do it himself. To learn a new skill,  and then to master the skill, builds knowledge and self-confidence. Self-doubt is transformed into self-confidence. Once a skill is learned, it is always known. Therefore, a person or beaver as the case may be, can instruct others how to do it.  In providing a service to others, thereby making a contribution to the greater whole, one feels accomplished and fulfilled. 

The Moral of the Story:  Stop wasting time looking busy and being busy to avoid developing the skills and knowledge to make a difference. Being busy is exhausting and unproductive. Making a difference feels good!

 

 

    

Freedom from the Chains of Obligations

Do you ever feel chained to your obligations? Obligations could be either emotional, as in your need to attend your children's school events, or financial, as in paying your mortgage or car loan. When you feel obligated, you can become resentful, particularly if your obligations prevent you from enjoying life.  In other words, you cannot take a day off from work, as you would feel guilty (emotional) in letting your boss down or you will not get paid (financial). These feelings are associated with sacrifice. It is the perceived need to sacrifice one's time and interests to meet the needs or desires of others. Life balance is being able to meet your needs, while also being attentive to the needs of those that you love. You can give more to others only when you have given to yourself. When chained to obligations, one is at risk for forcefully breaking the chains in an abrupt attempt to free their soul. In truth, all that was needed was a gentle balance, as in asking for what you need and giving yourself permission to not only have needs, but the desire to meet them. 

Defining a Midlife Crisis

Midlife Crisis:

The fear of growing old (time passing) without significant accomplishment. The illusion of living with abandonment (breaking chains of obligation and responsibility) in order to hurry up and fulfill dreams, purpose or destiny.