Do you often feel like you have to do things alone? Perhaps you were raised in a family where you were taught that you cannot count on anyone but yourself. In this way, you believe that it is necessary to forgo the hope that another person will help you with a needed task. You learn to do it yourself. In this way, you also establish a pattern in which, not only will you do it yourself, you will also forget to even ask for help. You will tell yourself, "why should I ask, no one helps me anyway"Although this is a common belief, the truth is that you desire to have the company or assistance of another. Although, you cannot count on another, you secretly hope that another will join you. There is something to be said for the support of togetherness. It is the idea that we are not alone, and in fact "are in this together." Today I had the opportunity to walk the streets of Newfield with a number of families, sharing laughter and keeping excited children safe. There is a great deal of love and support in togetherness.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Life is indeed precious. We cannot predict how long we will walk this journey called life. Life can be taken from us or our loved ones with little or no warning. Therefore it remains necessary to:
In loving memory of my dear cousin, Doreen, who always had a good story to tell us. May all our loved ones come to greet you and bring you home.
1)Live your life to the fullest. Do not put things off until tomorrow. Tomorrow may or may not come.
2) Let others know how you feel. Use the words “I love you, “ generously especially to those closest to you.
3) Make the effort to attend family gatherings to demonstrate that family means something to you.
4) Take life a little less seriously. Drop the worry and live in today.
In loving memory of my dear cousin, Doreen, who always had a good story to tell us. May all our loved ones come to greet you and bring you home.
Saturday, October 29, 2011
In challenging economic times, it is common to worry about money. Worry is nothing more than normalized fear. No one wants to admit to feeling fear, yet they will often say that they worry. When you worry about money,you are likely to feel afraid that there is not enough. Keep in mind that the fear of not having enough money rarely creates affluence. On the contrary, it brings your focus to not enough. Since what you focus on increases, you increase the likelihood of not having enough money in your life. Worry is a waste of time. It only produces more worry. In addition, I have sadly witnessed people becoming seriously ill as a result of being worried about money. Spare yourself the misery by recognizing that people survive financial issues. It may take some time to turn it around, but you will get beyond whatever financial issues you are facing. It is not beneficial to worry. Worry only fills the void when you are unsure of what else to do. If you need to do something, choose to create a plan for improving your finances. Revise your budget. Get a second job. Sell the treadmill that you no longer use. But do not worry. Know instead, that “This too shall pass.” You will indeed survive. Let go of fear and worry and embrace trust.
I always have enough.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Are there times in your life when you feel stuck? Stuck is sadly a familiar feeling. It is the inability, or more accurately, the unwillingness to move forward. In truth, you may feel scared to move forward. As human beings, we prefer the familiar to the unknown. Even when what is familiar is not helpful, we will cling to it in an effort to avoid the unknown.
What are you currently clinging to, that allows you to feel stuck?
What do you need to become unstuck?
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Decision, Decisions. Do you have difficulty making decisions? Do you avoid making decisions? When confronted with a decision to make, do you simply state, “I don’t know.” Even more importantly do you forfeit the right to make a decision and allow others to decide for you? People who have difficulty making decisions often lack trust. They do not trust themselves to make a good decision. They are afraid of making a mistake. In an effort to avoid making mistakes, they avoid making decisions. They falsely believe that if others make a decision for them, then they will not be responsible for the outcome. In other words, instead of trust, the person feels afraid. They are afraid of making a mistake, affecting others, and/or causing an undesirable outcome. If you understand that nothing happens by accident you can begin to let go of the fear of making a mistake. You can instead trust that all is exactly right. Learn to decide b what you feel rather than what you think. Allow your heart to guide you in your decisions. What does our heart decide?
Monday, October 24, 2011
Saturday, October 22, 2011
Pleasure is becoming a lost commodity in our hectic society. There is too much to do, and little time to do what you want to do. Take time today for some pleasure in your life. It is too easy to be consumed with the to-do lists and schedules that never end. Time is an illusion. There is always 24 hours in a day. If you want more time, you must make that time. Reserve a lunch with a friend. Take a walk with the dog this evening. Listen to music you have not heard in a long time. Read a good book. Find some pleasure and make it happen today. You will be glad that you did. It is time to laugh out loud and celebrate living. Put time for pleasure on your to-do list.
I embrace and celebrate living.
Friday, October 21, 2011
We live in a society in which contentment is sought, but rarely achieved. Most people look for more in the hope of filling an empty place within their souls. They look to have a bigger house or a nicer vehicle. They shop for more material possessions as what they have is no longer good enough. It is an endless battle to feel content and satisfied in one’s living. If you look within, it is there that you will find true contentment. It is a feeling that all is right with the world. No matter what happens, you know all is well. You don’t need more, because what you have is sufficient. Contentment is the ability to accept things for what they are. There is no need to change or complain. It is the belief that things happen for a reason. You can trust the outcome. To develop contentment, you need to practice feeling satisfied. Notice when you feel satisfied. Practice using the word satisfied in statements such as, “I am satisfied”, or “That satisfies me.” It is possible to feel content and satisfied. Make it a part of your daily experience.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
As humans, we have a tendency to want to hold on. We feel threatened by even the idea of letting go, no less the reality. Throughout life, we must let go of people, places, experiences and material possessions. Many things will simply pass through our fingers. Yet we want to hold onto them. We fear change and therefore cling to the familiar. In the season of autumn in the Northeast we appreciate the beauty of change. As the leaves change color, we are reminded that all things change, whether for a season or for a lifetime. As the leaves fall, we are reminded of the necessity of letting go. Unlike humans, you will never hear a leaf scream as it is falling from the tree? The falling leaves are simply a reminder that you can let go with ease, rather than with fear. Trust that all is well. It is only change. Something new is forming.
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
I am grateful for every day, but today seemed to hold special meaning. I had the honor of traveling alone with my mother to Pennsylvania to meet my sister and niece for the day. It was the first leg of my Mom’s journey back to Tampa, Florida. It was a magnificent drive in which we were enveloped by the beautiful fall foliage in the Northeast. My Mom and I stopped at a local farmers market decorated for Halloween and picked up the most delicious apples. To see my mother eat an apple in the car seemed like a miracle. Fruit and vegetables are a rarity in her diet. We continued the drive during which I asked my mother questions related to her child-rearing years and her personal childhood. We had such an enjoyable few hours in the car today reminiscing about the happy times in her life. I could not help but to feel grateful for this precious time together. At one point, she looked over at me and said that she was glad to have the time together. My heart is forever touched by this day. May you experience the gratitude that comes with spending quality time with someone you love.
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Have you ever stopped to think about your growth potential? How much have you already grown in your living? More importantly, how much more can you grow. People are funny. They believe that they can only grow so much. On a physical plane, once you have reached your absolute height and shoe size, it does not tend to vary. Weight, on the other, can continue to fluctuate beyond a certain age or number. Rarely do we give much thought to our emotional and spiritual well-being. Many people reach a particular awareness about themselves and stagnate. They want others to accept them for who they are. I am not going to change. This is how I have always been. These are merely excuses in the stagnation of ones growth. The truth is that we all come into this life with the understanding that we are here to learn. There are life lessons to be understood, and life as we know it on a physical plane is the classroom. We are here to learn about ourselves, our emotions, our relationships, our life purpose and so much more.
A Personal growth weekend can feel like a dream come true. Join us for Cultivating Healthy Relationships, November 4-6 at White Eagle Conference Center. You can come as an individual or as a couple. You will be amazed at how much you can grow!
Monday, October 17, 2011
This weekend I had the opportunity to unplug from all that tends to demand my attention in a day. Hence, why there were no posts. I chose to let go of the demands of both the cell phone and the computer, and enjoyed it. We now live in a society that makes it virtually (no pun intended) impossible to unplug. Sure, maybe on occasion the cell phone battery dies and creates an unexpected opportunity to be without technological contact. For the most part, however, people have become increasingly tied to their cell phones and are, therefore, on alert all of the time. Do we really want to be needed that much? There is little if any separation. It is as if we are trained to watch our phones for a blinking light. We thought wireless would make things easier when in fact, they make things constant. You hear a little ping and you immediately pick up your phone to look at the text, the email or the Facebook notification. Give yourself a break sometimes so as to maintain your personal well-being. Learn to unplug….even for just a while. You will not miss anything; you will instead find a sense of peaceful solitude.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Hurt is a powerful emotion. As humans, we feel hurt, just as we feel many other emotions. Hurt, however, is an emotion that people are reluctant to acknowledge and to heal. In fact, hurt is rarely expressed in a healthy way. Most often, the hurt person will react by withdrawing from the other person, or use the silent treatment in an effort to punish the person that hurt his/her feelings. In doing so, they hold onto the hurt, rather than to heal the hurt. Hurt often arises from misunderstanding, or more accurately misperceptions. Sadly, marriages that end in divorce are the result of unhealed hurt. Hurt can carry over from previous relationships and sabotage even the healthiest of relationships. So, how do you heal hurt? It is easy. Hurt needs to be 1) acknowledged and 2) expressed. To heal hurt, you must use the word “hurt”. “I feel hurt” is both an acknowledgement and an expression of the hurt. As a parent of a toddler might say, “Use your words” instead of your behaviors. After all, no one understands your withdrawal, or your temper tantrum. Say what you feel. In doing so, you will not only express your feeling, you will also heal your hurt. Hurt is a transitory emotion that is meant to be felt and set aside. It is damaging to you and your relationships when you hold onto hurt. Acknowledge hurt and then, let it go.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
In the midst of chaos, I find peace.
In the midst of noise, I find silence.
In the midst of confusion, I find clarity.
In the midst of clutter, I find order.
In the midst of pain, I find strength.
In the midst of fear, I find trust.
In the midst of sadness, I find gratitude.
In the midst of anxiety, I find centeredness.
In the midst of a crowd, I find myself.
In the midst of life, I find love.
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
The only time that you have is now. You cannot change the past and you cannot predict the future. To live in the now, is to experience the present. After all, to live in the past brings sadness. To live in the future brings anxiety. To live in the now brings peace. It is in the now that you have the greatest potential for achieving extraordinary things. Place your energy in today, into this moment of time. In doing so, you will not have any regrets, as you will not have to grieve the moment once it is passed. You lived it consciously. You enjoyed it. You made the most of it. You relished in the time, the person or the experience. As it passes, you move into the next moment with gratitude and excitement. Live now.
I choose to live in the now.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
It is time to resign, but not from the job that puts food on the table. It is time to resign from being the CEO (aka caretaker) of your household. If you are primarily responsible for making things happen, including laundry, groceries, and managing all that is involved in running a home, you are eligible for this offer. You have sufficiently met your responsibilities. this position is often held by a person who needs to be needed. In addition, you may have been programmed to neglect your own needs, and therefore, unconsciously look to fill the needs of others. You mistakenly believe that the needs of others matter more than your needs. In truth, you feel unworthy of having needs. It is then automatic to put the needs of others before your own needs. In time though, you will feel resentful that others needs get met, while your needs are still neglected. Who is taking care of your needs? Burdens are responsibilities that belong to others. In other words, you assume the responsibility of others, while neglecting responsibility for yourself.
Today, I give you permission to surrender your burdens, whether emotional, financial or physical, to others. In the very least, remind others that they are responsible for themselves and their well-being. In doing so, you will have the time and energy to meet your needs. You will feel so much happier!
My needs matter, too!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Life moves with a flow. Rivers run and waterfalls fall with a gravitational pull. This kind of flow is forceful by nature, and does not require additional effort. And so it is with life. Life flows. Then why do you choose to struggle? It is in your resistance that you struggle. You forget that there is a greater force at work within your life. You resist the flow and try to swim upstream. That is of course, more challenging than going with the flow. Stop resisting and start trusting in the flow and process of life. Trust in life and its natural movement forward.
Life moves forward. Move forward.
Friday, October 7, 2011
The experience of harmony is one in which all things seem right. There is peace around you, because there is peace emanating from within you. You are at peace. You live in harmony with all things around you. To live harmoniously, one must commit to peaceful living. There is ease in your experiencing of life. Where there is peace and ease, there is always harmony.
Harmony abides within me and around me. I am at peace.
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Couples often look for help with communication with one another. Often one partner will describe feeling frustrated with the other whom they perceive as unable or unwilling to communicate. They blame their partner for not telling them the truth, for withholding information, for saying nothing. They feel angry, deceived, or threatened by the silence. These are certainly feelings that exist on the surface with little to no understanding of what lies deeper, more dormant. There are reasons that a person cannot communicate. Some of the most common reasons are that the person is afraid to speak. They have learned in their life that it is not emotionally safe to speak their truth. They are afraid that their words will be met with criticism or shame. This silent person may feel afraid of anger, conflict, saying the wrong thing, or offending another. Therefore, they learn to say nothing. They may even appear as if frozen in fear, unable to say a word. They have been silenced. How does the partner interpret this emotional shut down? Personally; they take it to mean something about themselves. It means “he/she doesn’t like me, he/she is withholding something from me, or he/she is not telling me the truth. The truth is that when we do not know something that we want to know, we make things up. In other words, if there is an empty space, we fill it up. A lack of communication is easily healed with emotional safety. It is safe to say what you think and feel. Create environment in which those you love feel emotionally safe to communicate. Everyone will benefit.
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
As humans, we hold expectations. Whether they are expectations for ourselves or for others, we have expectations. We expect our spouses to help around the house or our colleague to follow through on a project. We expect our children to do well in school and our dog to protect our home. Expectations, what are they and how do they serve us? Expectations are ways in which we can possibly grow to be better human beings. Therefore, expectations are not meant to limit us or anyone else, but to raise us to a new and better standard of living. That is, we need to hold the bar higher so as to always be striving to be better, stronger, more aware, and more centered. Expectations are standards. Thus, we expect others to live up to our standards. In truth, we do not have any business holding anyone to our standards. We can only hold ourselves to our standards. Standards are typically bestowed upon us by our parents who received them from their parents. These standards are then translated into expectations. Your parents expect you to live up to (if not to go beyond) their standard, whether you are aware of them or not. Expectations may be spoken but are more likely to be unspoken. Tell the truth, work hard, save your money, be kind to others. Often people perceive expectations as negative in that they feel pressured to do what is expected of them. They feel afraid of failing or of disappointing another. Therefore, they resist honoring a standard for themselves. They do not see the gift of accountability. For today, expect something great of yourself.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Do you long for some peace and calm? Is your life busy and hectic? Perhaps you have children who need to be at various events that require a ride, a cheerleading parent, or at the very least, a baked good. It can feel overwhelming to try to juggle the various schedules and needs of yourself and your loved ones. Take a deep breath. No matter where you are, you can always take a breath. Breathe in, breathe out. Surrender. It can all wait a minute while you collect yourself. Let go. Honor the silence within. It is in the silence that you will find peace. It is a letting go, an exhale. Stop what you are doing, if only for a moment. Stop the flurry of thoughts that keep you from enjoying the silence. Breathe peace. Breathe calm. It only takes a few minutes to claim your peace and feel centered. Breathe peace. May peace always be with you.Ahh… all is well.
Monday, October 3, 2011
When you nurture yourself, you are less likely to fall victim to illness or injury. After all your needs are being met. You can learn more about your personal mind body connection, by attending the Healing your Mind, Body Spirit Weekend. As a cancer survivor, I am grateful to recognize the power of the mind in the healing of the body. Just for this week, find ways to nurture yourself.
Sunday, October 2, 2011
What does it mean to feel supported? My daughter, Kelci, was scheduled to take her SAT exam yesterday. I awoke at 6am to insure that she had sufficient time to get ready and arrive on time. I packed her snacks, sharpened her pencils, and made her a good breakfast. In doing all this, I recognized that I was providing support. How much easier our life is when we have the support that we need. Whether support comes in the form of emotional, physical or financial, humans need support. We are not meant to move through life doing it by ourselves. Support diminishes struggle. Allow others to support you. Ask for help. Appreciate those who support you. Recognize how you are supported.